A habit is something you can do without thinking - which is why most of us have so many of them. Frank A. Clark

The chains of habit are generally too small to be felt until they are too strong to be broken. Samuel Johnson

We have 12,000 – 50,000 thoughts per day according to the National Science Foundation, and 90% of those are thoughts we thought yesterday!  Most of those thoughts, especially that 90% are housed in the “habit center” of our brain and they allow us to carry out routine activities and to react and respond in automatic ways.

Our brain is like a computer – you’ve heard that analogy before – how powerful it is, how many connections it makes, etc.  And like your computer which now has a zillion gigabytes of memory, the real working part of the brain which processes new information (learning, decisions, creative endeavors, etc.) is like the RAM in your computer – much smaller and very limited relative to the other storage memory.  Even now, with all of the advances that have been made in computer science, we can still experience our computers FREEZING when we have too many programs open.  And like our brains, sometimes we just run out of space to process information and have to shut down, get rid of some of the details, and the reboot, or regenerate ourselves.

So, to prevent too many brain freezes, our brain make connections between messages and creates a neural pathway which can be called upon to run automatically from the habit center instead of in our working brain.  This frees up our working brain to be able to take in new information and make new connections, new thoughts, new ideas, new solutions and ultimately, new habits of thinking and behaving.

Habits are good things because they allow you to operate on auto-pilot while the less spacious part of your brain makes new connections.  And sometimes auto-pilot works well.  A good example of this is DRIVING:

When you are driving you can do several things at the same time – listen to the radio or a CD, think about where you are going and what you are going to do when you get there, look at the passing scenery, watch for signs or look at directions or listen to those annoying but helpful GPS directions, talk to your passenger….and you don’t ever really think about the mechanics of driving because it is a habit, something you do automatically!

Operating automatically when driving is very productive except when the objective or the context change.  Have you ever found yourself heading for a meeting first thing in the morning and ,whoops, you went on auto-pilot and took your usual route to work, only to end up being late or doing unnatural acts to get back on track?  Or can you remember the first time you ever drove on the left side of the road when you had driven on the right side all of your driving life? Did you white-knuckle it around the roundabouts, and have to give 100% of your attention to turning left or right?  Could you do any of the things we were talking about earlier or were you limited to just focusing on driving and nothing else?  The key is to be aware of when you can react automatically and when you have to make a conscious choice!  To recognize who is driving – you or your habits!

From this example of driving we can take several lessons about how habits impact our ability to get different results in our lives.
1.    When we think things are as they have always been, we go on auto-pilot and may miss opportunities to take a new route which will get us to where we want to go.

2.    Changing habits takes practice until we can create the new patterns and install them in the habit center.  Sometimes that means you are going to have accidents and maybe even fail until you have practiced enough.

3.    Giving up before you have practiced enough will sabotage your getting different results.

4.    You may not be aware of all of your habits until you realize that you are not getting where you want to go.

COACHING REQUEST:

1.  Play with changing some of your obvious habits, just for two or three days and observe what happens to your thinking – put your watch on the opposite wrist, shower your body parts in a different order,  sleep on the opposite side of the bed or sit in a different chair when you eat your meals.

2.  Make a list of the habits that support your accomplishing what matters to you.  And make a list of those habits which get in the way.  What actions can you take to focus on the habits that support you?

3.  If you want to find out with great accuracy how your current habits of thinking impact some of your choices, and maybe even discover a blind spot or two, take the FREE 6 Advisor Assessment by clicking here

…where the focus is to explore what I believe is the real game of leadership – relationship! Over the past 6 years of coaching association executives (and the 15 years of being one before)  that I have come to see that the area that causes the greatest satisfaction and the greatest angst is the realm of relationships – summed up in my liberal adaptation of a quote I saw a few years ago: 90% of the success in the workplace is dependent on the ability to build and maintain relationships.

As a leadership and career strategy coach, I work with leaders to develop a deeper understanding about themselves so that they be more effective in working with others.

Maryann Williamson put it very well when she wrote:

“Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate, but that we are powerful beyond measure.” And then went on to say “And, as we let our own light shine, we consciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Shining the light on our strengths – acknowledging the fear and moving on! It is paying attention to our own human-ness that gives us a leaders our greatest power for the very reasons described in these lines.

My promise

is to introduce you to some ideas that will cause you to look at things from a different perspective and to explore practices that will radically impact your ability to build and maintain relationships, especially in these times of great opportunity and challenge! In The Three Laws of Performance, a book recently written by Steve Zaffron and Dave Logan, the authors propose that “100% of leadership happens through conversations that pull people into the game, not through sitting back and creating visions that need to be sold.” And people have to be able to hear these conversations as opportunities to get into the game. And when they don’t, the challenge to transform performance in relation to the changing economic and social environment will fail!

I have witnessed people in leadership positions thwarted in their vision for a forward thinking organization by butting heads with the board chair when they were both passionate about doing the best job they could for the association. And I have seen the ways in which difficult conversations go unspoken for fear of not being liked. Or how a blind spot can sabotage the best of executives and take them down a path which doesn’t match their expectations. And I have seen senior staff members disempowered and unwilling to exercise leadership for fear of getting their wrists slapped one more time by someone who was stuck with a particular view of their role as CEO.

I always ask my coaching clients to stay curious, to be open to the spirit of adventure so that will be the request around my blog as well. We are entering into a unexplored territory where we need experienced leaders with the vision to see what is coming and at the same time the courage and invite the next generation of leaders into the game of creating extraordinary organizations through extraordinary leadership. I invite you into the conversation so together we can shed light on creating a game of leadership in which everyone wins! And since I am new to blogging, and will no doubt make mistakes along the way – I ask you to be understanding and contribute in way that will add value for yourself and others!

Let your game of leadership be the most satisfying and exciting game you play – in your association, in your business community and in your life!

It is a good time to focus on the basics and pay attention to the rules of working together because your leadership effectiveness depends on these relationships!

And here is the good news!  These basics include practices that are totally within your control!

1. Seek first to understand the other person before making a case for your point of view.

   People rarely hear what you are REALLY saying until they believe that you have heard what they have to say. You don’t have to agree, you just have to acknowledge their right to express their point of view and for their point of view to be understood.

2. Deliver on your promises.

   Do what you say you will do and be in communication if your timetable for doing it slips. Other people may be waiting for you or counting on you doing something and will respect you if you give them a heads up that you are changing the terms of your commitment and are willing to be responsible for the impact that may have on other people. And when other call you on your broken promises, thank then for the feedback and understand the impact that it had on them.

3. Hold other people accountable for doing what they have promised to do.

   When you seek to understand what got in the way of them doing what they said they would do, you may see that there is a root cause for their inability to deliver that has a broader impact on the organization as a whole. Ultimately this conversation will also support both you and the other person in developing more effective communication and work practices.

4. Acknowledge people for the actions they take that contribute value to the organization.

   Be generous in looking for the good in what others are doing and saying and express your appreciation often in a way that they can hear it. Not everyone wants public recognition and not everyone wants to hear that acknowledgment only in private. Know what is meaningful to the other person and deliver your acknowledgment accordingly.

5. Communicate, Communicate, Communicate.

   And match the channel of communication with the message to be communicated. Don’t rely on one method of communication for all messages. And keep in mind how the other person prefers to communicate. Don’t text or tweet someone who communicates by voice or face-to-face!

When you choose to incorporate these 5 rules into your daily interactions, you will see your level of stress, frustration and disappointment go way down! And you will create a model for other people to follow so that without saying anything, they will soon be adopting the same practices!

You do not have to be stopped by the changing circumstances in your organization because implementing these practices has nothing to do with “circumstances. Theses 5 rules for working together will work for you everywhere in your professional and even in your personal life. Take the coaching and try them on and let me know what amazing results you get!